What the 12-Steps Gave Me
I Was No Longer Alone
The first thing the 12 Steps gave me was community.
I was no longer carrying my pain, fear, and shame in isolation. Being with others who understood my experience softened something in me that had been clenched for a long time.
Relief From Shame
Naming my struggles out loud — without being judged — helped loosen shame.
I learned that addiction wasn’t a moral failure, but a response to pain. That shift alone created space for compassion to begin.
Structure When I Had None
Structure When I Had None
The Steps offered a simple structure when my inner world was chaotic.
Meetings, rituals, and shared language gave my nervous system something steady to hold onto during a time when I couldn’t yet trust myself.
Humility & Surrender
Beginning a Path Back to Relationship
Structure When I Had None
I learned the difference between control and surrender.
The Steps taught me that healing didn’t come from forcing change, but from letting go of what I couldn’t manage alone — and allowing support in.
Responsibility Without Punishment
Beginning a Path Back to Relationship
Beginning a Path Back to Relationship
The 12 Steps helped me take responsibility for my actions without collapsing into self-blame.
I could tell the truth about harm while still holding my own humanity.
Beginning a Path Back to Relationship
Beginning a Path Back to Relationship
Beginning a Path Back to Relationship
More than anything, the Steps helped restore my capacity for relationship.
With others.
With something larger than me.
And eventually, with myself.
Internal Family Systems as a Healing Foundation
Navigating My Inner State
Supporting the Steps, Not Replacing Them
Navigating My Inner State
IFS enabled me to approach my inner world with compassion and understanding. Instead of seeing my reactions as flaws, I learned to see them as maladaptive coping strategies that once served a purpose.
This compassion allowed me to face my so-called “character defects” without self-attack or shame. Rather than trying to be rid of flaws in m
IFS enabled me to approach my inner world with compassion and understanding. Instead of seeing my reactions as flaws, I learned to see them as maladaptive coping strategies that once served a purpose.
This compassion allowed me to face my so-called “character defects” without self-attack or shame. Rather than trying to be rid of flaws in my makeup, I could meet the places in me that had been shaped by fear, pain, and survival—and begin to heal them.
As those places healed, new responses didn’t have to be forced. They emerged naturally, from greater awareness, responsibility, and choice.
Feeling Without Bypassing
Supporting the Steps, Not Replacing Them
Navigating My Inner State
IFS helped me gently meet parts of myself that carried fear, shame, and grief.
It allowed me to listen rather than override, and to heal without forcing change.
This work supported emotional honesty, not spiritual bypass, and helped me stay present with what was actually happening inside me.
Supporting the Steps, Not Replacing Them
Supporting the Steps, Not Replacing Them
Supporting the Steps, Not Replacing Them
IFS did not replace the 12 Steps for me. It supported my ability to work them.
By bringing more internal awareness and compassion, I could take responsibility without collapse, look at my patterns without self-attack, and remain engaged in the process of recovery.
Daily Life
Supporting the Steps, Not Replacing Them
Supporting the Steps, Not Replacing Them
Today, I integrate IFS as a way of staying in relationship with myself. It helps me notice when parts are activated, respond with care, and return to steadiness. Used alongside recovery and nervous system work, it has become a practical tool for living with more clarity, humility, and connection.
I’ve also learned that this work doesn’t ha
Today, I integrate IFS as a way of staying in relationship with myself. It helps me notice when parts are activated, respond with care, and return to steadiness. Used alongside recovery and nervous system work, it has become a practical tool for living with more clarity, humility, and connection.
I’ve also learned that this work doesn’t happen in isolation. Many of our patterns were formed in relationship, and they heal most naturally in relationship.
Practicing this in community allows reactions to be noticed in real time and met with awareness rather than shame.
This is why I gather women in circles. Not to fix or teach, but to practice being present together—to build the capacity to stay connected to ourselves and to one another as we grow.
How Internal Family Systems is Integrated
Parts, Self & Relational Healing
Parts, Self & Relational Healing
Parts, Self & Relational Healing
In Internal Family Systems, we all have parts—aspects of us that developed to help us cope, protect ourselves, or survive. These parts aren’t bad or broken; they’re responses shaped by experience. When they’re activated, they can drive reactions that feel automatic or out of alignment with who we truly are.
Beneath these parts is Self—with
In Internal Family Systems, we all have parts—aspects of us that developed to help us cope, protect ourselves, or survive. These parts aren’t bad or broken; they’re responses shaped by experience. When they’re activated, they can drive reactions that feel automatic or out of alignment with who we truly are.
Beneath these parts is Self—with a capital S. Self is not a part. It is our grounded, steady, wise center. In Self, we experience qualities like calm, clarity, compassion, honesty, and humility. For many in recovery, Self feels familiar—it aligns closely with what the 12 Steps point toward when we talk about spiritual awakening and right relationship.
Healing happens as we learn to notice our parts without being run by them and return to Self as our inner guide. This isn’t about fixing ourselves; it’s about restoring leadership to Self.
Relational healing matters because many of our parts were formed in relationship, and they soften most naturally in relationship. In safe community, we can notice activation, stay present, speak honestly, and return to Self with support. Over time, this builds trust—within ourselves and with others.
IFS in Community Settings
Parts, Self & Relational Healing
Parts, Self & Relational Healing
Internal Family Systems can be practiced gently and responsibly in community when the focus is on awareness, not analysis. In circles, we’re not doing therapy or trying to fix one another. We’re learning to notice what’s happening inside us—in real time—and return to Self.
Community settings make this work alive. Parts often show up in rel
Internal Family Systems can be practiced gently and responsibly in community when the focus is on awareness, not analysis. In circles, we’re not doing therapy or trying to fix one another. We’re learning to notice what’s happening inside us—in real time—and return to Self.
Community settings make this work alive. Parts often show up in relationship: when we’re seen, misunderstood, triggered, or moved. In a safe, contained group, we can name what’s present, stay grounded, and respond from Self rather than react from a part.
Practiced this way, IFS supports humility, honesty, and connection. It helps us take responsibility for our inner experience while staying in relationship with others.
Over time, this builds trust—within ourselves and within the group—and strengthens our capacity to live and recover in alignment with Self.
IFS in Circles
Parts, Self & Relational Healing
IFS in Circles
IFS is integrated into circles as a shared language for self-awareness, not as therapy. We don’t analyze one another or try to fix what’s coming up. Instead, we use simple IFS principles to help each woman notice her inner experience and return to Self.
In circles, participants are invited to speak from what they’re noticing rather than ab
IFS is integrated into circles as a shared language for self-awareness, not as therapy. We don’t analyze one another or try to fix what’s coming up. Instead, we use simple IFS principles to help each woman notice her inner experience and return to Self.
In circles, participants are invited to speak from what they’re noticing rather than about others. When a reaction arises, it’s named with curiosity and care—without judgment or urgency to change it. This supports personal responsibility while maintaining connection within the group.
The emphasis is always on Self-leadership. Women are encouraged to pause, feel, and respond from a grounded place rather than react from a part. Over time, this builds the capacity to stay present in relationship, even when something tender is activated.
Used this way, IFS becomes a practical tool for living—not a technique to master. It supports honesty, humility, and relational repair, allowing circles to remain safe, contained, and human.